Dementia is a broad term for memory loss and cognitive problems caused by abnormal changes in the brain. These changes make it harder for individuals to think clearly, recall information and make decisions. There are several types of dementia, with Alzheimer’s disease being the most common.
One of the biggest challenges of these conditions is how they affect communication. All types of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease can change the way our loved ones express themselves and understand what we’re saying. This can be tough for everyone involved and might even put a strain on the relationship.
Fortunately, with the right communication techniques, you can facilitate moments of understanding, keep those connections strong and ease frustrations.
Tips for Talking to Someone With Dementia
Follow these five tips to help you effectively communicate with someone who has dementia.
1. Create a Supportive Environment
Before speaking with your loved one, turn off the TV or radio and remove any visual clutter. These distractions can make it harder for a person with dementia to focus on the conversations, whereas a calm and quiet space sets them up for success. Ensure they are as comfortable as possible. If they are hungry or in pain, address these things first.
Once you’ve created a supportive environment, take a gentle and respectful approach:
- Address them by name or their preferred titles, like “Mom” or “Dad.”
- Avoid treating them like a child or speaking down to them.
- Speak to them in a kind and reassuring voice.
2. Use Clear and Simple Language
It can be hard for your loved one to understand you, especially as they progress through the different stages of dementia. Keep your language clear and simple by:
- Keeping a slow pace: Speak slowly and give the person enough time to respond. Though long pauses may feel uncomfortable, they allow someone with dementia to process information.
- Avoiding slang, jargon or abstract language: The person might take what you say literally. For example, you might mean well by saying something like, “Don’t beat a dead horse.” Yet, instead of being encouraged not to dwell on something they can’t change, this statement may be distressing.
- Limiting your questions: Those with the condition can quickly become withdrawn or frustrated when they can’t find answers. Keep your questions simple and ask one question at a time.
- Offering a choice: Stick to one idea and frame questions so that they’re simple to answer. Rather than asking open-ended questions, offer a choice, such as “’Would you like to go for a walk or listen to music?” Yes-or-no questions can also be helpful.
3. Leverage Nonverbal Communication
Communication is more than the words we say. Facial expressions and gestures can help you get your message across and understand your loved one. For someone with dementia, nonverbal cues like body language and physical touch can be powerful tools for connection:
- Practice active listening: Show that you are paying attention by making eye contact and nodding.
- Keep an open and relaxed posture: Make sure there is no literal blockade between you and the person, as well as no subtle barriers — uncross your arms and legs, and keep your head up and shoulders down.
- Be at eye level: Pay attention to where you are sitting or standing. Rather than hovering over your loved one, which can be intimidating, ensure you’re at their level.
- Use touch: If it’s appropriate, patting or holding the person’s hand can help comfort them and make them feel closer to you. Examine their body language and facial expressions to see how they respond — this can help you determine whether they’re comfortable with physical affection.
- Lean on prompts: If possible, encourage your loved one to hold and engage with an item that you’re speaking about. Another option is to point at a photo of the person you’re referring to.
4. Adapt Your Communication Style
You cannot change a person with dementia, but you can change how you react to what they are thinking and feeling. Always meet your loved one where they are, and adapt your response based on their reality.
If they are confused about something, just go with the flow and accept their reality. While the urge to correct someone is natural, it often backfires when the person has dementia. Instead, try validating their experiences and feelings — it’s far more important to connect with them emotionally than to be factually accurate.
Let’s say that a man’s wife doesn’t recognize him and says, “Where is my husband?” Instead of telling her that he is her husband, he simply says, “He’ll be here for lunch.” This tactic is known as therapeutic fibbing and can reduce feelings of distress, anxiety and confusion.
5. Implement the Three R’s
If your loved one becomes agitated or fixated on something, let them express themselves. Give them the time they need, and resist the urge to dismiss their worries — sometimes, the best thing you can do is be there and listen. Then, implement the Three R’s of Dementia Care:
- Reassure: Reassure the person that they’re safe and cared for.
- Redirect: Shift their focus onto something else by changing the subject or the environment.
- Reminisce: While dementia affects one’s short-term memory, people can often still recall events from decades ago. In fact, reminiscing is one of the therapeutic approaches to dementia used in cognitive stimulation therapy (CST). While trained experts perform CST, you can help your loved one reconnect with their memories by looking at photos together, encouraging them to share past stories or listening to music from their youth.
Let’s go back to our example. Imagine that the man’s wife gets upset because she thinks her husband isn’t home. The man could say, “Everything is OK — I’ll be with you until he gets back. I see that you’re feeling sad right now. Let’s go for a walk to cheer you up.” Then, once they’re on their walk, he says, “Were you a dancer when you were younger?”
Key Principles of Effective Dementia Communication
Engaging in and understanding dementia conversations essentially requires two things — empathy and patience. Tactics like therapeutic fibbing and the Three R’s already require you to empathize with your loved one by understanding their perspective. Additionally, think about how you might feel if you found it challenging to communicate. What would make you feel more supported?
Being patient is also vital. As you need to give the person ample time to respond, plan to spend enough time with them. If you’re feeling rushed or stressed, take a few moments to center yourself first — this can help you connect better. You should also be prepared to repeat information as necessary. If you’ve repeated yourself and they still don’t understand, try rephrasing your sentences.
When to Seek Professional Help
Each family is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer for when one should seek professional help. However, if you feel overwhelmed trying to balance your loved one’s needs with your well-being, consider leaning on the following health care professionals and dementia care experts for support:
- Primary care doctors and nurses
- Geriatricians and geriatric psychiatrists
- Neuropsychologists and neurologists
- Occupational, speech and physical therapists
- General psychiatrists and clinical psychologists
Eventually, you may realize your loved one’s current living situation can no longer provide the level of care and attention they need. That’s when exploring dementia care facilities and services becomes an important step.
One option is to arrange in-home dementia care, which involves daily assistance and nonmedical support. This can include light housekeeping, help with tasks like bathing and dressing, and companionship. Beyond allowing those with dementia to stay in the comfort and familiarity of their home, in-home services make it easy to customize the care they receive. You could arrange for help when you feel burnt out or aren’t able to be home, as well as services that support your loved one’s specific medical, social and physical needs.
Lean on Village Caregiving for In-Home Support
Village Caregiving is the largest privately owned home care company in the United States, offering Alzheimer’s and dementia care. We understand that caring for your loved ones requires patience, understanding and the right support strategies. We’ve walked alongside thousands of families, offering guidance every step of the way — we’re here to do the same for you.
To learn more about how our compassionate family caregivers can help, contact us today!
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