How to Talk to Someone With Dementia

Dementia is a broad term for memory loss and cognitive problems that are caused by abnormal changes in the brain. These changes can make it difficult for individuals to communicate. All types of dementia can affect communication and can change how our loved ones are able to express themselves or understand what we're saying. These miscommunications can be a struggle for everyone, and figuring out how best to communicate can be difficult.

With the right techniques, though, you can have moments of connection and understanding. Maintaining connections with your loved ones, despite the effects of dementia, is important in easing frustrations and improving the quality of life for those diagnosed with the condition.

Five Tips for Talking to Someone With Dementia

Clear, actionable tips for how to communicate with a person with dementia can help you foster an environment where they feel comfortable and at ease by averting confusing conversations. 

Even if you are prepared to effectively connect with someone with dementia, these techniques cannot guarantee the person's understanding or reaction. They can help you feel better equipped and better understand different responses, mitigating both confusion and tension with a respectful, thoughtful approach.

1. Create a Supportive Environment With Active Listening

Before even speaking with your loved one, creating a distraction-free environment helps people with dementia focus on the conversation. Turn off the TV or radio to avoid distractions and make sure they are comfortable. Be mindful of your tone and address them with respect — never speaking down to them. 

Practice active listening to enhance communication and make sure the other person feels heard and validated. You actively listen by maintaining good eye contact, reflecting what you hear, being patient and refraining from judgment. These key steps show that you are engaged with the conversation and give the person with dementia time to communicate. 

2. Use Clear and Simple Language

A person with dementia may struggle to follow a conversation or remember details, leading to agitation. Avoid confusion by speaking in simple language and guiding clear conversations:

• Avoid abstract language: While casual idioms or colloquialisms may seem familiar and easy to understand, a person with dementia may take statements literally and feel distress or confusion. Sticking to concrete language supports straightforward communication between you and your loved one.
• Ask limited questions: Questions can quickly invite frustration when the person can't find answers. Keep your questions simple and only ask one at a time.   
• Offer a choice: Guide the conversation with a single idea and questions with clear answers. Avoid open-ended questions and instead offer choices with outlined answers. 
• Speak slowly: Tailor the conversation's speed to the person's needs and give them enough time to respond. Long pauses can allow those with dementia to process and respond, rather than feeling rushed to respond while battling confusion. 

3. Be Intentional With Body Language

Similar to creating a supportive environment, nonverbal communication can be a key factor in effectively communicating with people with dementia. Facial expressions and gestures can help you calm a dementia patient and create an environment that invites comfortable conversation. Body language can subconsciously deliver powerful cues that you may be unaware of. Along with active listening, keeping an open and relaxed posture — uncrossed arms and legs — communicates engagement. 

If appropriate, patting or holding the person's hand can help them feel closer to you. Stay aware of the person's body language or expressions to gauge their response. Some people may feel less comfortable with physical touch, so expressive hand gestures and maintaining eye level can still be powerful tools for connection. 

4. Adapt to Their Reality

You cannot control how a person with dementia will understand or respond throughout the conversation, but you can adjust your own reactions. Choose to meet your loved one where they are and adapt your response based on their reality. Unless their personal reality poses a direct danger to their safety, you can use therapeutic fibbing as a communication technique to help avoid unnecessary distress when correcting them would be upsetting or unhelpful. 

If they are confused about something, just go with the flow and accept their reality. While it may seem that correcting inaccuracies will reduce confusion, it is better to validate their feelings. Correcting their reality doesn't restore their memory, and instead it often confuses, frightens or embarrasses the person. Choose responses that validate without reinforcing distress and consider the emotion behind their query. In most situations, addressing the feeling with comfort helps the conversation to continue better than correction might. 

5. Implement the Three Rs

If your loved one begins to feel agitated, allow them space to express their concerns without dismissing them. Continue to practice active listening and open body language. The Three R's of Dementia Care is a useful framework for working through agitation: 

• Reassure: Reassure the person that they are supported and cared for.
• Redirect: Shift their focus onto something else by changing the subject or the environment. Do not simply overlook or downplay their emotions, but follow reassurance with redirection toward actions like taking a walk or having a cup of coffee.
• Reminisce: While dementia mainly affects one's short-term memory, people may be able to recall events from decades ago. Reconnecting your loved one with their memories by looking at photos together, encouraging them to share stories or listening to music from their youth can change their demeanor. 

Applying the Three R's with the aforementioned tactics of limited questions, eye contact, active listening and intentional body language can help you to talk to a person with dementia. Providing support and remaining patient are key to communicating well, even if you have to repeat yourself multiple times. 

When to Seek Professional Help

No matter what techniques you bring to the conversation, it can be overwhelming to balance your loved one's needs with your well-being. Constant miscommunication or frustrating confusion can affect relationships on both sides. If you need support in caring for a loved one with dementia, there are options that can help them maintain a routine.

In-home dementia care involves daily assistance and nonmedical support that can be customized to a person's needs. Offering in-home care allows those with dementia to stay in the familiarity of their home while supporting specific social and physical needs, from light housekeeping to bathing and dressing. Trained family caregivers are able to help at times when you feel burnt out, or you aren't able to be home. 

Find In-Home Support With Village Caregiving

Village Caregiving understands that caring for someone with dementia is complex and requires the right support strategies. With care that can be customized to personal needs, our dementia and Alzheimer's care is focused on compassionately caring for those with dementia. We’ve walked alongside thousands of families, offering guidance every step of the way — we’re here to do the same for you.

We know that caring for your loved ones requires patience and understanding. Whether you're burnt out or looking to alleviate the strain that communication issues may put on your relationship, Village Caregiving offers both resources and respite care. To learn more about how our compassionate family caregivers can help, contact us today.